Beyond Control: Healing Trauma by Releasing the Illusion

"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace."

- Ajahn Chah

Like shipwreck survivors adrift at sea, trauma confronts us with the complete loss of control - over self, others, and the very world. In desperation, we reflexively strive to regain mastery over inner and outer forces. But what if peace lives not in controlling uncertainty, but gradually learning to release what we never held to begin with?

Those who heal from trauma's depths assure us that freedom emerges only when we find the courage to surrenderConstructing elaborate rituals of control cannot forestall the fundamental chaos that underlies reality. Life forever unfolds as it wishes, not as we dictate. But when we stop grasping the ungraspable, hands open to receive each moment's gifts. Therein we discover control was never required at all.

The Myth of Control After Trauma

Few experiences expose control as a mere illusion like trauma suddenly shattering our expectations. In mere moments, past certainties vanish. Trust fractures; the mind scrambles for solid ground amidst the debris field.

Understandably, we desperately attempt to wrest back even an imitation of control through any means imaginable - trying to dominate pain, relationships, and careers. But trauma whispers the unbearable truth - forces exist far beyond mortal hands to steer or defy. External control emerges as fiction.

Of course, the wounded psyche protests. There must be some manner of controlling outcomes and emotions to provide security. And so the mind latches onto anything that promises to shield us from vulnerability ever again. But each strategy fails before life's impersonal and unpredictable nature.

Character Armor

In response to trauma, we frequently adopt various forms of psychological armor - walls, masks, disengagement - trying to control how deeply anyone can touch us again. By numbing against feeling, we hope to bypass future agony.

But this character plating constricts freedom, disconnecting us from the messiness of living. Sensations get blocked before reaching consciousness. We forfeit intimacy's joys in evading its pains. Over time, we are entombed behind fortified facades few could penetrate if they tried.

Repetitive Gestures and Rituals

Similarly, trauma survivors commonly rely on routines, rituals, compulsions, and repetitive behaviors to reclaim a sense of control over external chaos. But these provide only a fleeting illusion of mastering unpredictability.

The universe flows onward indifferent to our attempts at management. No amount of hand washing cleanses existential wounds. The one guarantee remains uncertainty's drumbeat, never faltering despite desperate measures to silence it. But if we find the courage to release faulty beliefs in certainty, deeper freedom awaits.

Photo credit: Jack Sharp @Unsplash

Healing Through Acceptance

What possibilities unfold when we cease futile efforts chasing control, and instead open to circumstances just as they are? Those who recover assure us - immense peace and presence.

By accepting life's fundamental uncertainty, rather than raging against it, we rediscover the agency to respond skillfully. Trauma's tidal waves no longer overtake us but lift us into navigating their ebbs and flows. What we resisted before now buoys us.

Owning Our Power

Critically, releasing external control also mirrors inward. Whenever trauma returns us to feelings of helplessness, we can remember - we retain absolute power over our response.

While circumstances may block desired paths, we stand at a crossroads - do we descend into victimhood or rise into our values? Will we turn trauma into teaching? Even when all else gets stripped away, our inner leverage remains to choose love over fear.

Embracing Vulnerability

Finally, unwinding the illusion of control allows us to return to core truths - life offers no certainty except our capacity for courage. But when trauma convinces us that vulnerability invites disaster, we sacrifice aliveness itself to keep ourselves safe.

Yet trauma's ultimate gift may be revealing where we cling to false safety - in walls, assumptions, and rituals. And when finally we find the bravery to release all crutches, we rediscover how to walk freely, if tentatively at first. For under the myth of control, our wholeness patiently awaits return.

Conclusion

We cannot control what shakes our foundations. But we need not be life's hapless victims either. Beyond futile machinations to dominate uncertainty, we retain the power to respond with wisdom, endurance, and trust in our essential goodness.

For when we stop grasping for control, truth quietly reveals itself. Though much exceeds our control, the presence of the mind remains ever within reach. And therein we find the singular Home, unbroken by trauma, patiently awaiting our return. On the other side of the illusion, there still lives the light.

Photo credit: Preslava Glushkova @Unsplash